If the house is a-rockin' don't come a-knockin'

I don't subscribe to any sort of organized religion.  That being said . . . I’m not opposed toreligion.  I don’t particularly care whatanyone else believes in just as long as it doesn’t effect me and, especially,if they don’t push their beliefs on me.

I live in a community where there’s a fairly populous JehovahWitness community.  Again . . . I don’tcare about them and their practices.   Exceptthat their practices  . . . sometimes (toooften) effect me.

They regularly blanket the community; going from door todoor.  You can spot them a mile away . .. youngish, attractive and well dressed. And they have no problem with intruding on your privacy.

KnockKnock

Witnesses, "We're doing a survey on religionin America.Could you give us a minute of your time to answer a few questions?"

Me, tucking a towel under my arms, “As you cansee I just got out of the shower, but I guess I can answer one or twoquestions.”

Witnesses, “Do youregularly attend a church?”

Me, as towel comes untied and falls to the floor,“No.”

Unaffected . . . Witnesses, “Do you ever attend church?”

Me, as I readjust my towel, “No.”

Fromupstairs, “Honey, what’s taking you so long.”

Witnesses, “Do you believe in heaven?”

Me, pointing to the ceiling, “Yeah, it’s up therewaiting for me.”

A singsongvoice from upstairs, “I’m waaiiiiting forr youuuuuuuuuuu.”

Now they begin to get the point because one of Witnessessuddenly looked kind of embarrassed and the other one made a small"eek" type sound.

With a quota to fill . . . Witnesses, "Well,uhm, if you believed that heaven might be real, would you like to know moreabout it?"

Me, “I’ll tell youwhat . . . if you come back later I’ll tell you all about it.”

Now-a-days I just don’t answer my door if I don’t know who’sthere . . . but then again, they haven’t come a-knockin’ any time in recentmemory.  Could be my address is on somekind of ‘do-not-knock’ list.  They may beholy rollers, but they ain’t stupid.

Or maybe they are . . . there was one time when one gotpretty darned close to getting shot.  Iwas walking along the sidewalk very early in the morning on my way to catch mycommuter train when a car pulled up beside me. A man got out of the vehicle and approached me, “Can I ask you a fewquestions.”  I started backing up and hejust kept right on coming.  Feelingextremely threatened and trapped, I was seconds from drawing my firearm.  That was when he started waiving hispamphlets at me and blabbering about getting saved.  Well, nobody got shot that day but hecertainly got a piece of my mind.

Believe in what you want . . . don't come to my home uninvited, don't bother me, don't talk to me.

Hearty Pumpernickel Bread

2 Cups Warm Milk

2 Tablespoons Vegetable Oil

4 Tablespoons Molasses

3 1/4 Cups Bread Flour

1 1/3 Cups RyeFlakes

1/2 Cup Cornmeal

1 1/3 Teaspoons Salt

2 2/3 Teaspoons Active Dry Yeast

4 Tablespoons Unsweetened CocoaPowder

2 2/3 Tablespoons Brown Sugar

1 Extra Large Egg

1 Tablespoon Water

Process rye flakes into a rough flour in a food processor or blender.  Rye flour may be substituted.

Mix well bread flour,rye flour, cornmeal, salt, yeast, cocoa, and brown sugar. Add milk, oil, and molasses.Mix thoroughly. When mixed well enough that the dough holds together, knead byhand 15-20 minutes.

Cover, let rise in bowl 60 minutes. Punch down, form into aloaf or place into 9 1/2x5 inch pan.

Cover with damp cloth and let rise about 1 hour.

Brush egg wash over tops of loaves.

Bake in preheated 375 degree F oven 25 to 30 minutes.