We'll leave the light on for you . . . or not

When I was kid we didn't travel much.  Our vacations were either camping trips or staying with family members.


So, when the rare occasion arose where we would be staying at a motel/hotel it was a really REALLY big deal . . . an adventure, a luxury.

Mind you, we didn't stay a 4 or 5 star hotels.  Holiday Inn was as top of the line as we went and Comfort Inn was the norm.  It didn't matter . . . Cable television! Game room!  Swimming Pool! HOT TUB!  It doesn't sound like it should be that exciting, I know.  But trust me it was.  


Come to think of it, coming across the scrambled adult television channel may  have been my first experience with pornography . . . oh joy.

Anyhoo . . . as fun and wonderful as it all was it didn't make us (the kids) angelic guests.  For the most part we behaved ourselves but all that excitement seemed to have brought some prankishness to the surface.

Besides the typical swiping of the towels, soaps and whatnot . . . we dare not touch the minibar or Mom would open a can of whoop-ass on us . . . we had fun roaming the hallways and making a general nuisance of ourselves.  

Of course, there was the ever popular knock-and-run game.  But, that wears a little thin after a while . . . especially, as we got older.  One thing that never seemed to grow old no matter how often we did it was when we found the mini-moos and condiment packets left outside of random doors for room service to retrieve.  


What's so fun about that?  Well, what we did was stomp on them.  The contents . . . whether it was milk, ketchup, mustard or mayo . . . would squirt all over the walls and carpeting.  

;;

The bigger the spatter, the higher splat the more points.  We didn't have and actually scoring structure established and we didn't keep tally . . . it was more on a case by case basis . . . or smoosh but smoosh, as it were.


Yeah . . . we were hicks, we were lame but we had fun.

Ukrainian Red Borscht Soup

1 (16 Ounce) Package Pork Sausage

3 Medium Beets, Peeled And Shredded

3 Carrots, Peeled And Shredded

3 Medium Baking Potatoes, Peeled And Cubed

1 Tablespoon Vegetable Oil

1 Medium Onion, Chopped

1 (6 Ounce) Can Tomato Paste

3/4 Cup Water

1/2 Medium Head Cabbage, Cored And Shredded

1 (8 Ounce) Can Diced Tomatoes, Drained

3 Cloves Garlic, Minced

Salt And Pepper To Taste

1 Teaspoon White Sugar, Or To Taste

1/2 Cup Sour Cream, For Topping

Crumble the sausage into a skillet over medium-high heat.Cook and stir until no longer pink. Remove from the heat and put in large souppot.

Fill the pot halfway with water (about 2 quarts), and bringto a boil.

Add the beets, carrots and potatoes, and cook until tender,about 15 minutes. Add the cabbage, and the can of diced tomatoes.

Heat the oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add the onion,and cook until tender. Stir in the tomato paste and water until well blended.Transfer to the pot.

Add the raw garlic to the soup, cover and turn off the heat.Let stand for 5 minutes. Taste, and season with salt, pepper and sugar.

Ladle into serving bowls, and garnish with sour cream andfresh parsley.

You are a sad strange little man . . . and you have my pity

When my son was a wee one he had a love affair with BuzzLightyear.  He wasn't in love with Buzzper se . . . he was Buzz.

He would sit and watch Toy Story movies over and over again .. . getting the moves down and getting his inner Buzz on.

It was really cute . . . for a while.

He was in preschool at the time and they didn’t do anythingto dissuade his alter ego.   In fact, they encouraged it . . . for a while.

It got to the point where you couldn’t tell him he wasn’this super hero . . . er . . . hero.  Hewas Buzz Lightyear . . . “I’m not Eddie,” he would say.  “I am Buzz Lightyear.  Toinfinity and beyond!.”  

Like I said, it was cute . . . for a while.

During that time period Halloween came and wonder of wonders. . . he was Buzz Lightyear.  And this timehe had the costume to prove it.

So, not only did he have the Buzz persona down pat but hehad the look. 

Months, maybe even a year or more, this went on.  By now it’s getting old.

His preschool teachers told me it had to stop because it wasdisrupting the class and riling up the other kids.  I thought to myself, “you nutters encouraged the kid and now that it becomes a problem and I’mthe one to have to put a stop to it.”

So the arguments began . . . you’d think it would be easy .. . you know how gullible kids can be. Yeah right . . . the kid inherited his mother’s and his father’s stubbornness. It wasn’t easy.

The deprogramming went something like this.  First off . . . no more Toy Story movies . .. .period.  Second . . . the costumemysteriously disappeared.  Then the sitdown conversations . .  .

Me, “You’re not Buzz Lightyear.”

Him, “I am BuzzLightyear.”

Me, “You’re not Buzz Lightyear.”

Him, “I am BuzzLightyear.”

Me, “You’re not Buzz Lightyear.”

Him, “I AM BuzzLightyear.”

You get the point.  Oneday he was Buzz and the next day he wasn’t. Personally, I don’t think I did or said anything to convince him he wasn’tweird shaped spaceman.  I think he justgrew out of it.

And, then suddenly he was Luke Skywalker.

Ah  . . . the joys ofparenthood.

Quick Fried Cabbage With Egg


1/2 Small Cabbage
1 Medium Onion
1 Tablespoon Butter
3 Slices Bacon, Crumbled
2 Eggs
2 Tablespoons
Salt, Pepper or Seasoned Salt

Finely slice the cabbage and onion. Heat the butter in a pan and fry the onion until soft. Add the cabbage.  Cover and reduce heat to low and fry for a further 10 minutes. Remove cover add bacon and fry for 3 minutes. Beat the eggs pour them over the cabbage. Stir until the eggs have set.  Stir in the cream cheese and serve.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz; oh what a relief it is!

Oh, Alka-Seltzer . . . how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.  It's good for what ails you . . . aches and pains?  headache?  upset stomach?  and at one time its ads even suggested taking it for "the blahs."  I'm jiggy wit dat!


The lemon-lime variation has a salty-sweet thing going on.  I'd drink it all day long if it wasn't for the whole overdosing-on-medication thing.


Seriously,  it's the best invention since cheesy-poofs.








Alka-Seltzer has been around since 1931 and is simply a combination of aspirin, sodium bicarbonate, and citric acid all compacted into a fizzy tablet.  drop into a glass of water and watch it go.  It's like magic!  But watch out because if you have the glass on top of a pile of papers the effervescence will effervesce all over your papers and make a mess.  Don't ask how I know this . . . but there's a reason that Speedy uses an umbrella in the commercial.

It's not only good at curing the icks, but it also can be used as an effective cleaner for your coffee pot, glassware and jewelry  . . . all those bubbles cut through grease and grime.  Don't mock me before you try it . . . it works!




Anyhoo . . . I'm not suggesting that anyone run out and buy this wonder of all wonders, because it's not necessarily good for everyone, I'm just saying that *I* like it.  


Ploppity, ploppity . . . fizzity, fizzity . . . 

Creamy Cabbage with Apples and Bacon

1 Teaspoon Olive Oil
6 Slices Bacon, Chopped
1 Large Onion, Chopped
Salt And Pepper To Taste
1 Tablespoon White Sugar 
2 Tablespoons Cider Vinegar
1 Head Green Cabbage, Cored And Chopped
2 Large Granny Smith Apples - Peeled, Cored and Thickly Sliced
1/2 Cup Chicken Stock, Or As Needed
1/2 Teaspoon Coriander Seeds
1 Pinch Nutmeg
1/2 Cup Sour Cream


Heat olive oil over medium heat in a large, heavy-bottomed pot or Dutch oven. Add the bacon and cook and stir until most of the fat is rendered, and the bacon is lightly browned but still slightly limp, about 5 minutes. Remove the bacon with a slotted spoon to a small bowl; do not drain. Pour off any excess bacon fat in the pan, according to your taste.


Stir the onion into the pot, season with salt and pepper, and cook and stir over medium-high heat until onion is translucent. Sprinkle in the sugar, then stir in the vinegar-stand back or you'll get a nose full! Scrape up the delicious brown bits from the bottom of the pan. Add the cabbage, stirring well to combine.





Cook, uncovered, until cabbage is reduced and starts to soften, 6 to 8 minutes. Stir in apples, stock, and coriander seeds. Cover, reduce heat to medium low, and cook for at least 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add more stock as needed, and continue cooking until the cabbage is soft, but not falling apart.


Just before serving, remove the cover and stir in the bacon with its juices. Cook over medium-high heat until any remaining liquid is reduced to a syrup and the mixture is piping hot, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in nutmeg, and fold in the sour cream.

Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Schlemiel! Schlimazel! HasenpfefferIncorporated!

If your old like me then you may recall that little chantfrom the opening sequence of the Laverne and Shirley show . . . actually I’mnot dating myself all that much since I only caught the show in syndication.  So, nuts to you!

The little ditty is a Yiddish-American hopscotch chant.  Okay, that clears that up but what is a schlemieland, for the love of Pete, what in the heck is a Schlimazel??

A schlimazel is the guy who walks past a second floorwindow-ledge and knocks the flower pot off . . . a schlemiel is the guy walkingunderneath.

A schlemiel is a klutz . . . an awkward person.  A schlimazel is a born loser.   It’skind of a commentary of the type of people that Laverne and Shirley were Iguess because they were always finding themselves in sticky situations andpretty much always down on their luck.  LikeLavern and Shirly . . . you can’t have a schlemiel without a schlimazel . . .they go together. 

Kind of like  rammalamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong. Something like that, anyway.