Once again, my life has been saved by the miracle of lasagna.

Every year I ask hubby what he wants for his birthday dinner . . . full well knowing what his answer will be but asking anyway . . . what does he want?  Lasagna.  And not just any ol' lasagna.  He wants a meaty, cheesy and spicy lasagna.   Kind of like a lasagna fra diavolo.  

I make the sauce from scratch, making it spicy of course.  But you can use jarred sauce if that makes it easier (and it does).  


The secret is spicy meat, spicy sauce and don't skimp on the cheese.  This lasagna ROCKS!

World's Best Spicy Lasagna


1 Pound Hot Italian Sausage
1 Pound Lean Ground Beef
1/2 Cup Minced Onion
2 Cloves Garlic, Crushed
1 (28 Ounce) Can Crushed Tomatoes
2 (6 Ounce) Cans Tomato Paste
2 (6.5 Ounce) Cans Canned Tomato Sauce
1/2 Cup Water
2 Tablespoons White Sugar
1 1/2 Teaspoons Dried Basil Leaves
1 Tablespoon Salt
2 Tablespoon Hot Pepper Flakes
1/4 Teaspoon Ground Black Pepper
4 Tablespoons Chopped Fresh Parsley
12 Lasagna Noodles
16 Ounces Ricotta Cheese
1 Egg
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
1 Pound Mozzarella Cheese, Sliced
1 Cup Grated Parmesan Cheese (or fresh)
Pepperoni Slices
3 Cups Shredded Italian Cheese (provolone, mozzarella, etc.)


In a skillet, cook sausage, ground beef, onion, spices and garlic over medium heat until well browned. Stir in crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, tomato sauce, and water. Season with sugar, basil, 1 tablespoon salt, pepper, and 2 tablespoons parsley. Simmer, covered, for about 1 1/2 hours, stirring occasionally.


Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook lasagna noodles in boiling water for 8 to 10 minutes. Drain noodles, and rinse with cold water. In a mixing bowl, combine ricotta cheese with egg, remaining parsley, and 1/2 teaspoon salt.


Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

To assemble, spread 1 1/2 cups of meat sauce in the bottom of a 9x13 inch baking dish. Arrange 6 noodles lengthwise over meat sauce. Spread with one half of the ricotta cheese mixture. Top with a third of mozzarella cheese slices.  Top with pepperoni slices.  


Spoon 1 1/2 cups meat sauce over mozzarella, and sprinkle with 1/4 cup Parmesan cheese. Repeat layers, and top shredded cheese. Cover with foil: to prevent sticking, either spray foil with cooking spray, or make sure the foil does not touch the cheese.


Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. Remove foil, and bake an additional 25 minutes. Cool for 15 minutes before serving.

Once again, my life has been saved by the miracle of lasagna. 


Garfield 

Paint it white

On my way into work the other day I passed a crew of men paintinga sign. 

There is something I’ve never quite understood.  And that is why painters wear white.  It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense tome.   Even the neatest painter will get paintspatter on themselves.   So why white?

Apparently white has been the color of choice for paintersfor centuries.  The reason ispractical.  The color that most painterspaint with is white.  They also work witha lot of substances that are white . . . plaster, lime, chalk.  

White splatter on white clothing doesn’t showas much as . . . say . . . white splatter on blue jeans.  They look cleaner and neater wearing white.

So that’s it . . . curiosity satisfied.

The question is . . . if a painter knows he’s going to bepainting with a specific color does he where that color when he’s doing said painting? 

 Stuffed Shells

1/2 (12-Ounce) Box Jumbo Pasta Shells (About 18)

1 Teaspoon Salt

1 (8-Ounce)Container Ricotta Cheese

1 (8-Ounce) Container Cottage Cheese

2 Large Eggs

1 Cup GratedParmesan Cheese

2 Cups GratedMozzarella Cheese

 2 Teaspoons Dried Parsley 

1 (26-Ounce) JarItalian Pasta Sauce

Preheat oven to350 degrees. Cook pasta shells until they aretender, but still a little firm (al dente), about 10 minutes.

When pasta is done, drain the shells, run under cold water to stop the cooking process and set aside.

In a large bowlstir together: the ricotta cheese, cottage cheese, eggs, Parmesan cheese, mozzarella cheese,and parsley. Pour about 1 cup of pasta sauce into a 9x12 casseroledish. Spoon about 3 tablespoons of the ricotta filling into each cooked pastashell. Place the filled shells, side by side, (three lengthwise rows of 6shells per row), into the casserole dish. At this point, the dish can be madeand refrigerated for up to 24 hours.

Spoon the remaining pasta sauce on top of the shells and bakeuncovered until bubbly, about 30 minutes. If using refrigerated shells, allow40 minutes baking time.

Is it fixed yet?

As much as I’d like to be home making muffins, doing laundryand vacuuming everyday . . . for my regular day-to-day job I work as a systems/networkadministrator.   Basically, the same thing . . . you know getting stuff done and cleaning up people's messes except that I get to collect a paycheck

The other day I got a call from an end-user who said they weregetting warnings on their computer that there was an impending hard diskfailure, driver errors and all sort of imminent catastrophic hardware failures. 

Needless to say he was freaking out.

I went to check it out and without even touching thecomputer I could tell immediately it was a virus.  Further inspection verified my initialdiagnosis.  So, I set about removing,repairing and otherwise eradicating said virus.

As I’m working, said end user is hovering directly behind mewhile enjoying his breakfast . . . crunching and slurping obnoxiously in myear.

Clenching my teeth in an effort not to scream, I turn to himand say, “This is going to take a while . . . I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

Amazingly, he took the hint and went off to find somewhereelse to munch his cereal and drink his coffee.

I short time later I was just managing to gain some sort ofcontrol over the system when I hear, “How’s it goin’?”

I look up and said, “This is going to take a while . . . I’lllet you know when I’m done.  Oh, and bythe way, it’s not really the best idea to stick magnets to your computer.”  I swear to God the guy was using very powerfulmagnets to hold papers to the case of his PC. I strongly suspect that he was using his CD-ROM tray as a cup holder, aswell.  Anyway . . .

He replied,” Oh wow, really? I guess I should use tape then.”  I responded that that would probably be a better idea.

So he wandered off again but somehow managed to appearbefore me again within a half an hour. 

I was like, “Listen dude, you really did a good job trashingyour computer with whatever link you clicked on or whatever website you shouldn’thave been visiting and it’s going to take me a loooooooong time to fix this screwedup mess.  GO AWAY.”

I didn’t say exactlythat, but he got the idea. 

The point is . . . well, really I have no point.  Ventilation and decompression complete.  Thank you for listening.

Spaghetti Aglio,Olio, e Peperoncino

Spaghetti with oil, garlic and hot pepper.

8 Ounces ofSpaghetti

2 Large or 3Small Garlic Cloves, Minced

1 1/2 Teaspoons ofChili Pepper Flakes

1/4 To 1/3 Cup ofExtra-Virgin Olive Oil

3/4 Teaspoon ofSalt

1/2 Teaspoon ofFreshly Ground Black Pepper

Cook spaghettiaccording to the directions on the package, until it is al dente.

Strain spaghettiand place in a large serving dish.

Combine mincedgarlic, chili pepper flakes, salt, and pepper. 

Sprinkle overpasta and pour olive oil over top and mix will.

Serve warm or atroom temperature.  Top with parmesancheese, if desired.

A man taking basil from a woman will love her always

If you’re familiar with making pesto you probably use a food processor or blender to mix all the ingredients.  While being tasty, the authentic Italian method imparts more flavor by allowing the individual tastes to come through.

I made this recipe and thought it was delish . . . hubby didn’t like it and said it tasted “too strong”.  That being said, he’s never had pesto before.  It tasted like pesto is supposed to taste . . . only more so!  Yummers.

Chopping all the ingredients by hand is the key because this prevents the ingredients from becoming a completely homogenized emulsion or paste. You will need a good sharp knife and the chopping process will take about 20 minutes. 

The technique is to chop a bit, add some ingredients, chop some more. This helps to create a variance of cut sizes throughout the pesto contributing to the overall texture.

1 Large Bunch of Basil, Leaves Only, Washed And Dried

3 Medium Cloves of Garlic

1 Small Handful of Raw Pine Nuts

1 Cup Parmesan, Loosely Packed And Freshly Grated

A Few Tablespoons of Extra-Virgin Olive Oil

Start chopping the garlic along with about 1/3 of the basil leaves.

Once this is loosely chopped add more basil, chop some more, add the rest of the basil, chop some more . . . scrape and chop, gather and chop.

At this point the basil and garlic should be a very fine mince.

Add about half the pine nuts, chop. Add the rest of the pine nuts, chop.

Add half of the Parmesan, chop. Add the rest of the Parmesan, and chop.

In the end you want a chop so fine that you can press all the ingredients into a basil "cake".  Transfer the pesto "cake" to a small bowl (not much bigger than the cake). Cover with a few tablespoons of olive oil.

You can set this aside or place it in the refrigerator until you are ready to use it.

Just before serving give the pesto a quick stir to incorporate some of the oil into the basil. You can thin the pesto with a splash of pasta water for more coverage. 

I served mine with a hearty gnocchi  . . . with a side of bruschetta . . .  it was awesome.

Makes about 1 cup.

Talk of the devil, and his horns appear

I don’t know what I was looking for, but I recent Google search turned up a bunch of information about horny women.  Okay, get your mind out of the gutter . . . I’m talking about women who grew horns.  It’s a rare condition but it is possible for people . . . yeah, men get horny, too . . . to grow horns.  They’re techinically called Cutaneous Horns which are thought to be caused by by retained dead skin cells over an underlying growth. Sometimes the underlying growth is harmless like a wart but other times it may grow over a precancer or skin cancer.

The conical projection is composed of compacted keratin, basically stuck together skin cells that build up over an underlying growth.  They just keep growing and piling up causing a horn-like growth.

They can be surgically removed but I can’t imagine letting one grow to the lengths that these women have let theirs grow.  Maybe they heard somewhere that men like horny women?

 _________________

I made this macaroni salad up with stuff I had in my pantry and fridge . . . quick, yummy and satisfying!

Macaroni and Bean Salad

• 2 Cups Uncooked Elbow Macaroni
• 1 Cup Sliced Green Olives
• 2 Celery Ribs, Sliced
• 1 Can Pinto Beans, Rinsed And Drained
• 1/2 Cup Mayonnaise
• 1/2 Cup Cubed Mozzarella Cheese
• 1/4 Cup Italian Salad Dressing
• 2 Tablespoons White Wine Vinegar
• 2 Teaspoons Seasoned Salt
• 1/4 Teaspoon Pepper

Cook macaroni according to package directions.  Drain macaroni and rinse in cold water.

Meanwhile, in a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients.

Add to bean mixture and toss to coat. Cover and refrigerate for 1-2 hours.

Don't tell people where your goat is tied up --- then they can never get your goat

I like to keep hubby's life interesting.  After all, I don't want him thinking he's missing out on anything.  One thing I like to do to keep the pot stirred up is to goad him and try to get his goat.  Aw . . . don't feel bad for him.  He likes the attention.  Really he does!

Everyone knows what a goat is . . . if you torment it enough it's going to get pissed off and retaliate. 

To "get one's goat" is to stimulate one into a state of great irritation . . . stimulation is good, right?  Who doesn't like to be stimulated? 

There are several different references as to the origination of this phrase . . . typical.

Two similar unsubstantiated possibilities are the first is from American horse racing. Trainers would put a goat in a racing horse's stall to calm it; if the goat was removed, the horse would likely become agitated and not run well.  The other a reference to an old English belief that keeping a goat in the barn would have a calming effect on the cows, hence producing more milk; an aggravated cow will produce less milk.

In keeping with the milk theme, there is an old French phrase that translates to approximately "to get your goat".  In the olden days goats and their milk were a person's only source of income.

and as far as thievery goats goes . . . if someone steals a shepherd's goat  so it would be understandable if they got somewhat annoyed if someone took it.  Again there's no firm evidence to support this or the other origin.

  

Per chance it's a mispronunciation of "get your goad". A goad is a pointed rod used to urge on livestock . . . you know, a cattle prod?

Or maybe even . . . it’s a bastardization of "get your gut" wherein gut over time was altered to goat. When something gets your gut, it upsets you and ties your stomach in knots.

  

I'm going with this one . . . King Saul once proclaimed that he had taken no man's goat . . . that he hadn't angered anyone.  I like it . . . 

________________ 

Rigatoni Casserole

•  1 Pounds Mozzarella Cheese
•  1 Pounds Swiss Cheese
•  1 lb Beef - Ground
•  1 lb Sausage (Italian)
•  1 - 32 Ounce Jar Spaghetti Sauce
•  1 Pound Noodles - Rigatoni
•  30 slices Pepperoni

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to boil. Pour in rigatoni, and cook about 8 to 10 minutes. Drain, and set pasta aside.

Meanwhile, brown ground beef and sausage in a large skillet over medium heat. With a slotted spoon, remove beef and sausage to a baking dish. 

Stir spaghetti sauce, and cooked pasta into the baking dish. Sprinkle cheese and pepperoni over the top.

Bake in preheated oven until the cheese is brown and bubbly, about 20 minutes.

All the dreamers in all the world are dizzy in the noodle

 Like most long time bachelors, my hubby knows how to cook.  However, when I rescued him from his solitude at the ripe old age of 39 I assumed the duty of household cook.  That’s not to say he doesn't stray into the kitchen from time to time to whip up some culinary delight . . . but most times that task is mine.  And I don’t mind because I like to cook.  And there’s no denying that I can cook quite well.  The growing swell of hubby’s belly over the past few years can attest to that!  One thing that drives me absolutely bonkers is when someone comes into my kitchen and tells me how to cook. 

 So, one evening I’m preparing a luscious Italian meal and he walks in on me just as I’m seasoning the pasta water.  Hubby doesn’t cook with salt and he almost had a conniption when he saw what I was doing.  An animated debate immediately ensued as to whether or not pasta water should be salted. 

I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong but when I know I’m right I’m not about to back down.  On this particular point I was absolutely sure I was right.  So, we contacted a chef friend of ours and he settled the argument in short order . . . needless to say, I won that particular debate.  That’s because I know how to cook!

The reason salt should be added to the water before you cook your pasta is because if you don’t you will end up with bland, tasteless pasta.  Every element of a dish should be seasoned in order to bring together a well balanced meal.  Salted water flavors the pasta. A generous amount of salt in the water seasons the pasta internally as it absorbs liquid and swells  it also ensures that the pasta is cooked evenly throughout. Figure 1 to 2 tablespoons of salt to a large pot of rapidly boiling water.   Very little of the salt stays with the pasta when it is served. 

Another secret to perfectly cooked pasta is use a big pot with lots of water.  When the pasta is put into the rapidly boiling water it begins to release starch.  If the pasta doesn't have the room to move around the starches will not get the opportunity to dissipate in the water and the pasta will stick together.  

You also want to make sure that you stir the pasta for the first minute or two after you add it to the water.  This helps to keep the pasta moving as well as to dilute the starch.  This keeps the pasta from sticking together.


Contrary to popular belief, you do not want to add oil to the water to keep the pasta from sticking.  Not that it won't keep the pasta from sticking to each other but it will also coat the noodles in oil.  This will prevent the sauce from absorbing into your pasta.

My boy says that if you toss a noodle against the wall and it sticks then it’s done.  I can tell you that pasta flinging is not an accurate way to test for doneness.  Uncooked starchy pasta will stick as well as mooshy overdone pasta. 

The best way to test that your pasta is done is to use your teeth.  First boil the pasta according to the package's instructions . . . but note that this is the minimum cooking time.  Don’t rely on the time to tell you when your pasta is done.  About a minute before the time goes off, test it.  If the pasta is mildly chewy but doesn't stick in your teeth, it is done. If the pasta seems a little hard or sticks to your teeth, cook it 1 minute longer and test it again.  Keep in mind that if you’re using pasta in another recipe . . . like macaroni and cheese or baked ziti . . . the pasta should be a little underdone because it will continue to cook in the oven.

  

Buttery Egg Egg Noodles

Prepare one package of egg noodles until done and strain into a colander.

To the pan melt one stick of butter.  Add a couple tablespoons of crushed garlic and fresh ground pepper.  Cook for about two minutes until the garlic is translucent but not browned.

Return the noodles to the pan and toss to coat.  Add three whole eggs and a 1/2 a cup of Parmesan cheese and stir.  The heat of the noodles will cook the eggs.

Serve and enjoy.