Selasa, 26 April 2011

Oy! It's a domovoi!!

When I wrote this post, I was only semiserious about having gnomes in my home.   I am now more convinced than ever before that there’s something going on.  The blank-ety-blank prankster is staying hidden but seems to enjoy making it’s presence known by driving us absolute bonkers.  Whatever it is, it’s upped the stakes and getting out of hand.  Even my dubious husband is beginning to believe. 
As I said in my previous post, little things disappear from around our home fairly regularly; insignificant things . . . innocuous things.  They almost always turn up within a day or a week or month.  We recently had a Thing go missing that, had it not been found, could have caused a major upheaval.  

My husband blamed me for being careless and I accused him of f^cking with me . . . but pointing the finger at one another wasn’t helping the situation. 

We knew the Thing had to be in our house.  We looked where it should have been, we looked where it maybe could have been, and we looked where there was no way it could possibly have been.  We searched, turned the house upside down and inside out . . . more than once.   Actually, *I* did most of the looking while he lounged about since *I* was the one who had carelessly "lost" the Thing.





The jokester was running amok and must have been having the grandest of times watching us freak out.  While looking for The Thing, I found all manner of other stuff that I’d given up for good . . . a flashlight, an envelope and phone charger.  These things had been gone for a year or more and there they were . . . literally right in front of my face. 


Again, I asked my hubby if he was f^cking with me . . . no, no and no.

30 hours after we noticed the Thing was missing, we were giving up hope of finding it.  If it wasn’t in the house then that meant someone had to have taken it out . . . not good.  In a last ditch effort, we looked in all the same places we had looked before . . . I was about to flip out when I heard my husband’s voice calling me.  So off I went . . . figuring I was going to get yelled at again.  As I approached him he asked me if I was f^cking with him.  Of course I wasn’t.  Then he swore up and down and all around that he wasn’t f^cking with me.

He found It! Where?  In the exact spot where it was supposed to be, where he put it, where we both looked more than a half a dozen separate times.  It was staring 
us in the face  . . . there’s no way we could have missed it before.

He may not be f^cking with me.  I am certainly not f^cking with him.  But something is most definitely f^cking with us!!

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I’ve done some more research to see what other house spirits may be plaguing us.  Another viable possibility is a Domovoi, which is a shape shifter that can appear as any animal or inanimate object, but most often resembles a short, hairy, little old man.  They are nocturnal, they are always male, have a grumpy disposition and believe they are the masters of the home they inhabit. 






Their favorite places are the threshold under the door or a spot under the stove, but the center of the home is their primary domain.  There can only be one domovoi living in a home and he will protect the house it occupies from other spirits. They are friends of the animals and live in harmony with pets.   It is generally a good spirit, but it will wreak havoc if it is angered by a messy home, profane language or whistling.   When they get irritated they will play tricks, move objects, break dishes, throw things, cause mysterious bruises and tickle sleeping people.



Anyone who’s been in my home can attest to the fact that I’m not the best housekeeper; the laundry doesn’t always get done, the dishes don’t always get washed and there stuff all over the place.    I, as well as my husband, have a potty mouth . . . what can I say . . . I like to swear.  I can’t whistle but my hunny can be heard making a little lip music now and then.


Perhaps that explains the bruises that constantly appear on my body with no cause or explanation.  It may also explain our cat’s sudden interest underneath the stove.  It could explain the stuff that falls out of our cupboards and off the counters without help.  And, it explains the belongings that go missing.  It explains an awful lot.


Domovoi can be appeased by treats of bread, salt, sweets and fruit left in the kitchen for them.  However, if they are not pacified their tricks will continue to escalate.  Time to do some baking, I think.  I have to do something!  And, no, cleaning the house is out of the question.  :-)~

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