The world as seen by a fish

Did you ever fancy you couldswim like the fishes?   I said like the fishes . . . not with the fishes . . . this is no mafiawish list.

According to some theories,at one time eons ago we not only swam like fishes but we were fishes.  Now, don’t getall excited . . . this isn’t a theological discussion . . .

Just for chuckles . . . let’sjust say for a moment that at some point in the very very ­very distant past that our ancestors looked something likeNemo.  

Like fishes we . . .humans . . . have a third eyelid.  Well,the remnant of one anyway . . . a piece that evolution has yet to erradicatfrom our biology. 

Look in the mirror.  See that little pink bit in the corner ofyour eye near your nose??  Women . . .you’ll recognize it as the spot where your eye make-up tends to collect. 

It’s called a nictitatingmembrane; a clear eyelid that can be drawn across the eyeball for protection.  Fish use them to flush out whatever annoyingparticles float into their eyeballs.

Unlike our fishy cousins’,our nictitating membrane is pretty much defunct . . . but, as the ladies know .. . it’s really good for keeping the gunk out of our eyes. 

Now you see?  If you had that you could swim more like the fishes and . . . well . . . see more like the fishes.  Wouldn't that be swell?

Carrot Cake with Canned Carrots

2 Cups Flour

2 Teaspoon BakingPowder

2 Teaspoon BakingSoda

2 TeaspoonCinnamon

1 Teaspoon Salt

2 Cups Sugar

1 1/2 Cups Oil

3 Cups Canned Carrots, Drained

4 Eggs

1/2 Cup Pecans

Icing

1 Box 10x Sugar

1 (8 Oz) PackageCream Cheese

1/2 StickMargarine

 

Mix ingredients in the order listed.

Stir in eggs oneat a time.

Then stir in nuts

The carrots will fall apart when you mix, so no need for chopping.

Pour in a 9 X 11 greased and floured pan

Bake at 350 until cake tests done (approx. 25-35 minutes)

Mix icing ingredients together and spread over cooled cake.

Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid.

Ladies, have you ever noticed that when you ask a man to getsomething for you it seems he can never seem to find it?  Whether it be milk from the refrigeratoror  a stamp to mail a letter.

It’s called man eyes and they all seem to have the sameproblem.

You know how it is . . . you send him to get it and chancesare pretty high that he won’t be able to find it.

I have theory on this phenomenon. 

This is what I believe happens.  You ask with a please and a thank you and allother manner of politeness.  Then suddenly,without inexplicably the man is struck blind . . . selectively blind . . . man eyes.

He can maneuver about without bumping into walls or fallingover furniture but as he approaches his target his vision is suddenly impaired. . . its kind of like reverse tunnel vision. 

My experience has been that its just easier to go and getwhatever it is I need for myself.

And that, girlfriends, is what it all boils down to.  it’s not that they can’t see . . . it’s that they won’tsee. 

If they do it enough times they know that you willeventually give up and stop asking them to do anything for you.  It’s a conspiracy at the highest levels ofmanly deception.

And all you men out there?? We are on to you!

Mormon PeachCobbler

The fruit, usually immersed in a sweet syrup, istraditionally covered with a biscuit topping so that it has the rough, unevenappearance of cobblestones—hence the name “cobblers”.  

Preheat the ovento 350 degrees.

Fruit Mixture

1 29 Ounce SizeCan Of Sliced Peaches In Syrup

1 TablespoonCornstarch

1/2 TeaspoonCinnamon

1/4 TeaspoonNutmeg

Drain the juiceinto a saucepan.  Mix a little of the juice with cornstarch to make a softpaste and add the paste to the rest of the juice.  Add the spices.

Heat until bubbly,stirring as needed.  The syrup should thicken to a slurry.

Pour the slurry andpeaches into a small casserole dish.

Topping

1 Egg

1/3 Cup Milk

4 TablespoonsButter, Melted

1 Cup Flour

1/4 Cup Sugar

2 Teaspoons BakingPowder

1/4 Teaspoon Salt

In a medium bowl,whisk the butter, milk, and egg together.  Add the sugar and stir.

Combine the dryingredients and add them to the liquid mixture.   Stir until wellcombined.

Spoon over thepeach mixture so that the fruit is covered.

Bake for 45minutes or until the top is a golden brown.

Serve hot or cold withvanilla ice cream or even cold milk or crème anglaise.

Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid.


Mary Poppins

Harshing my Mallow

I'd like to think I'm a good person . . . do unto others yada yada yada.  Yeah well, sometimes it doesn't work out that way.  Especially, when beer, camping and marshmallows enter the equation.

I know, all those things go together perfectly.  So what could possibly make that seemingly ideal combination make me into less than a good person?  A little girl.  That's right, I said it . . . a little girl . . . toasting a marshmallow over a crackling fire.  She seemed so innocent with her puff of sugary goodness impaled on the end of a stick . . . holding it carefully over a wisp of flame . . . toasting it just so . . . turning it evenly so that it turned a luscious shade of golden brown without even the slightest bit of char.  It was truly of work of perfection . . . damn her and that exquisite sublimity poised in all its toasty goodness on the end of that stick.

So, this is what happened.  She was sitting by the fire . . . acting all innocent like and fairly gloating about her perfect golden-brown marshmallow.  She was all but screaming aloud that contained within that flawless crust was oozy,  smooshy, gooey  yumminess and that it was all hers.

I was sitting next to her . . . trying with all my might to ignore her blatantly flaunting the sweet treat.  After what seemed like an eternity of her smugly waving that little bit of heaven around I couldn't take it any more.  I reached over and snatched that amazing little nubbin of nomminess and stuffed it into my mouth.  I couldn't help it . . . if she hadn't been so damned vainglorious I might have been able to control myself.  


Yep, it happened just like that.  Okay . . . maybe not quite just like that.  

It's true the little girl had toasted a marshmallow to absolute perfection.  And she was, indeed, sitting next to me in front of a cozy fire.  It might be a slight exaggeration that she was flaunting it. However, it's also true that I plucked that little treat right off the top of the stick and shoved it into my mouth.  It's is true, as well, that I couldn't control myself.  Did I mention the copious quantities of beer I had consumed leading up to the less that gracious act?  No?  Hmm . . . silly me.

All I know is that I immediately regretted that moment of impulsive weakness.  Everyone around be stared at me in utter disbelief.  I was mortified.  I'm just glad she didn't cry.  


But that was the bestest freaking marshmallow I ever had!  And, I don't even really like marshmallows.  Go figure.

_________________________________

Rhubarb, Apple and Strawberry Pie

• 1 Cup White Sugar
• 1/2 Cup All-Purpose Flour
• 1/2 Pound Fresh Rhubarb, Chopped
• 2 Small Apples, Peeled And Diced
• 2 Pints Fresh Strawberries
• 1 Recipe Pastry For A 9 Inch Double Crust Pie
• 2 Tablespoons Butter
• 1 Egg Yolk
• 2 Tablespoons White Sugar

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F


In a large bowl, mix flour and sugar. Add strawberries and chopped rhubarb. Toss with sugar and flour and let stand for 30 minutes.

Pour filling into pie crust. Dot top with butter, and cover with top crust. Seal edges of top and bottom crust with water.

Apply yolk to top of pie, using a pastry brush. Sprinkle with sugar. Cut small holes in top to let steam escape.

Bake at 400 degrees F for 35 to 40 minutes, or until bubbly and brown. Cool on rack.

I'm Gumby Dammit!

When I was thinking about what to write about when I was making the following recipe “Gumby and Pokey” immediately came to mind.  So I started poking around . . . pun intended . . . to see what I could find about them that might interest me. What I found was intriguing.

Gumby and Pokey were clay stop-action animated characters in a children’s television show.  Gumby is a green humanoid and Pokey is an orange talking pony and is Gumby's sidekick.

Okay that much most people know. What I found interesting was how much art imitates life.  For example, the personalities of Gumby and Pokey; they nearly mimic hubby and me.  It’s almost scary. 

To quote the Saturday Nite Live character played by Eddie Murphy . . . I’m Gumby dammit!  Gumby is optimistic, trusting and happy-go-lucky.  That describes me fairly well. 

Pokey is cranky, pessimistic, skeptical and sarcastic . . . that totally describes hubby!  And just like in real life . . . Pokey is often trying to offer advice to Gumby; sometimes Gumby listens.  And, Gumby get Pokey to do things against his will.  Pokey goes along and even has fun on occasion. 

Just sayin’.

Along the same theme, when I was growing up we always had cats.  We once had a calico cat named Gumby and her daughter who was Pokey.  Again, art imitates life. 

Gumby was stretchy, long and pliable.  You could pretty much move her any which way and she was happy to have the attention.  One very cool thing about Gumby is that she would fetch toys and she would walk around with a little pillow that I made in her mouth. 

Pokey was a black long-hair and she was . . . in a word . . . slow.  As in mentally challenged.  She was sweet and loving but dumb as a rock.  She would sit and stare into space  for long periods of time.  What was most annoying and memorable was her lack of knowledge of claw retraction.   If you picked her up . . . claws.  If she was on your lap . . . claws.  If she was marching in a kitty parade . . . claws.  Not maliciously or evil . . . just claws. 

Gelatin Poke Cake

• 1 Recipe Yellow Cake (Or 1 Box Cake Mix)

- 2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

- 1 1/2 cups sugar

- 1 Stick unsalted butter, room temperature

- 1 cup milk

- 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda

- 1/2 teaspoon salt

- 2 teaspoon vanilla extract

- 3 eggs

• 1 Cup  Boiling Water
• 1 Pkg. (3 Oz.) JELL-O Strawberry Flavor Gelatin
• 1/2 Cup  Cold Water
• 1 Tub (8 Oz.) COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, Thawed

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour one 9x13 inch pan. Mix together the all the ingredients then beat with a mixer until combined.

Pour batter into the prepared pan.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 40 to 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean.  

Cool cake in pan 15 min. Pierce cake with large fork at 1/2-inch intervals.

Add boiling water to gelatin mix in small bowl; stir 2 min. until completely dissolved. Stir in cold water.

Pour over cake. Refrigerate 3 hours.

Frost cake with Cool Whip. Refrigerate 1 hour.

Enjoy

A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou

I’ve had problems making rye bread.  It just never seems to come out right.  It turns out that the rye flour you buy in a store is ground too fine and that makes the bread like glue inside.

That’s why most recipes instruct to mix some wheat flour with the rye flour.  Even better, buy rolled rye flakes, put them in the food processor or blender and grind until it is the texture of cornmeal.

Then use whole wheat flour made from hard wheat instead of regular white flour but add about 25% unbleached bread flour for a portion of all flour.

The dough should be fairly heavy and sticky because the coarse rye and the wheat will soak up some water during kneading, rising and baking.

You do NOT need caraway seeds to make it taste like rye bread.  I like them so I add them.

You don’t need a sour.  You can get by with making a "young" sour or sponge the evening before you bake.

This is the recipe I used.  It came out better than other rye breads I have made.  Very tasty.

Makes one 1 3/4-pound round loaf

Sponge
3/4 Cup Bread Flour
3/4 Cup Rye Flour
1/2 Teaspoon Instant Yeast
2 Tablespoons Sugar
1 1/2 Cups Water, At Room Temperature

Flour Mixture
2 1/4 Cups Bread Flour
1/2 Plus 1/8 Teaspoon Instant Yeast
2 Tablespoons Caraway Seeds
1/2 Tablespoon Coarse Salt

Dough And Baking
1/2 Tablespoon Vegetable Oil
About 2 Teaspoons Cornmeal For Sprinkling

Make the sponge: Combine sponge ingredients in a large or mixer bowl and whisk until very smooth, to intentionally incorporate air — this will yield a thick batter. Set it aside.

Make the flour mixture and cover the sponge: In a separate large bowl, whisk together the flour mixture and gently scoop it over the sponge to cover it completely. Cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap and allow it to ferment for 1 to 4 hours at room temperature. (The sponge will bubble through the flour mixture in places.)

Mix the dough [Either with a mixer] Add the oil and mix with the dough hook on low speed for about 1 minute, until the flour is moistened enough to form a rough dough. then raise the speed to medium and mix it for 10 minutes. The dough should be very smooth and elastic, and it should jump back when pressed with a fingertip; if it is sticky, turn it out on a counter and knead in a little extra flour.

[Or by hand] Add the oil and, with a wooden spoon or your hand, stir until the flour is moistened. Knead the dough in the bowl until it comes together, then scrape it onto a very lightly floured counter. Knead the dough for 5 minutes, after which it might be a little sticky. Cover it with the inverted bowl and allow it to rest for 20 minutes. Knead the dough for another 5 to 10 minutes or until it is very smooth and elastic and your upper arms are strapless gown-ready.

Let the dough rise: Place the dough in a large container or bowl, lightly oiled. Oil the top of the dough as well. Allow the dough to rise until doubled, 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Flip the bowl over and let the dough fall out on to a lightly floured counter, press it down gently, fold or form it back into a square-ish ball and allow it to rise a second time, back in the (re-oiled) bowl covered with plastic wrap for about 45 minutes.

Shape it and wait out the final rise: Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured counter and gently press it down again. Round it into a ball and set it on a cornmeal sprinkled baking sheet. Cover it with oiled plastic wrap and let it rise until almost doubled, about 1 hour to 1 hour 15 minutes. When it is gently press with a fingertip, the depression will very slowly fill in.

Preheat the oven: Preheat the oven to 450°F for about 30 minutes

Slash and bake the bread: With a sharp knife or singled-edged razor blade, make 1/4- to 1/2-inch-deep slashes in the top of the dough. Mist the dough with water and quickly but gently set the baking sheet on the hot stone or hot baking sheet.  Bake for 15 minutes, lower the temperature to 400°F and continue baking for 30 to 40 minutes or until the bread is golden brown and a skewer inserted into the middle comes out clean

Cool the bread on a wire rack.

It's all fun and games until somebody loses a wallet

Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas . . . the glitz, the bright lights, the extravagance. 

You know the adage . . . what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.  Yeah, well, that almost happened to us.

Hubby and I were doing the Vegas thing . . . a little bit of gambling, a little bit of drinking, a little bit of sightseeing . . . what most folks do and having a rockin’ good time doing it!

 

We were having so much fun that we missed the shuttle back to our hotel.  No worries . . . we decided to hump it.  After all, it wasn’t too far of a trek.  And it wasn’t, we made it back to the hotel in about 30 minutes.  Just in time to meet up with some friends and enjoy more Vegas frivolity. 

And that’s when I noticed it . . . my wallet was gone.  Holy crapparoni!  Just like the old American Express Travelers Check commercial . . . all my money, all my credit cards and all my identification . . . POOF! . . . gone. 

I though hubby’s head was going to explode.  The foul expletives that exploded from his mouth was enough to send R. Lee Ermey running for cover!  Saying he was pissed off was the understatement of the millennia!

I was fairly certain that I had not been pick pocketed.    It was more likely that it fell out of my bag . . . in evidence was my shoulder bag hanging open and wallet gone. 

I knew when I last had it, which was not long before we started the walk back to the hotel.  We decided to retrace our steps.  With any luck we would find it intact and unmolested.  In Vegas?  Yeah, fat chance . . .

Not overly optimistic but hoping for the best all the same . . . off I went with irate hubby in tow . . . did I mention that he was fairly angry?  Yeah?  Okay then . . .

We walked the reverse route step for step carefully scanning the ground for my lost wallet.   All the while, little ol’ me was being berated for my carelessness, ineptitude and whatnot . . . it was seriously UNfun.

We were nearing the place where we had gone of the beaten path of The Strip and no wallet . . . no evidence of wallet . . . and losing hope.  We knew for certain that if I had dropped that lost little package on the main thoroughfare of Las Vegas there was no way we would ever sit it . . . or it’s contents . . . ever again.

How would we pay for the hotel?  How would I be able to board the plane?  How would I ever be able to live with hubby?

Freaking out?  Yeah . . . I was . . . BIG time!

As is wont to happen on the rarest of occasions in Sin City . . . lady luck shined her magnanimousness upon us.  There on the ground . . . not 10 feet from the bright lights of the Las Vegas strip was my wallet . . . intact and unmolested . . . like a minor miracle. 

Oy . . .

Smithwicks Banana Quick Bread

2 1/2 Cups All-Purpose Flour

1 Teaspoon Baking Powder

3/4 Cup Brown Sugar

1 12-Ounce Smithwicks

1 Banana

2/3 Cup Walnuts, Chopped

1 Teaspoon Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 350F. Combine all ingredients in a mixing bowl, then spoon into a greased loaf pan.

Bake 50 minutes. Serve warm or room temperature.

Makes one loaf.