The land of embarrassment and breakfast.

Oh, you know how your parents can do all sorts of things to embarrassyou when you're a kid.  Hell, I embarrass my kid all the time . . .sometimes even on purpose.  What can I say?  It'sfun.

Can I remember thesingle most embarrassing moment of my youth that involved my mother?  Youcan bet your sweet bippy!  

Here's thesituation.  We were at a banquet to honor my mother.  In attendance were a couple of a hundred ofmy mom's closest friend’s and associates . . . plus a few of my own.  There was a lovely meal, much cocktailing andeven more schmoozing.  Finally, she get'sup in front of the room of people to make her speech, to give her thanks and toaccept her award.  She spoke eloquently . . . graciously acknowledging herhelplings and those who “were wind beneath her wings” and whatnot.  As her speech wound down she said that therecould never be any greater honor than this and  . . . I quote . . . "I shot my load.”

Silence.  Someone clearedtheir throat.  Someone stifledlaughter.  I almost died.

You know, I don’t think she ever realized what shesaid.  And, even if she did would sheeven know what it was she said?  Oy.

 

Parents . . . gotta love ‘em.

Eggs Benedict

  

4 Egg Yolks

3 1/2 Tablespoons Lemon Juice

1 Pinch Ground White Pepper

1/8 Teaspoon Worcestershire Sauce

1 Tablespoon Water

1 Cup Butter, Melted

1/4 Teaspoon Salt

8 Eggs

1 Teaspoon Distilled White Vinegar

8 Strips Canadian-Style Bacon

4 English Muffins, Split

2 Tablespoons Butter, Softened

To Make Hollandaise: Fill the bottom of a double boilerpart-way with water. Make sure that water does not touch the top pan. Bringwater to a gentle simmer. In the top of the double boiler, whisk together eggyolks, lemon juice, white pepper, Worcestershire sauce, and 1 tablespoon water.

Add the melted butter to egg yolk mixture 1 or 2 tablespoonsat a time while whisking yolks constantly. If hollandaise begins to get toothick, add a teaspoon or two of hot water. Continue whisking until all butteris incorporated. Whisk in salt, then remove from heat. Place a lid on pan tokeep sauce warm.

Preheat oven on broiler setting. To Poach Eggs: Fill a largesaucepan with 3 inches of water. Bring water to a gentle simmer, then addvinegar. Carefully break eggs into simmering water, and allow to cook for 2 1/2to 3 minutes. Yolks should still be soft in center. Remove eggs from water witha slotted spoon and set on a warm plate

While eggs are poaching, brown the bacon in a medium skilletover medium-high heat and toast the English muffins on a baking sheet under thebroiler.

Spread toasted muffins with softened butter, and top eachone with a slice of bacon, followed by one poached egg. Place 2 muffins on eachplate and drizzle with hollandaise sauce. Sprinkle with chopped chives andserve immediately.

The land of embarrassment and breakfast.
--Julian Barnes