The ultimate reason is "because."

I know I'm kinda of weird, but I think those stick family stickers that people are putting on the backs of their cars are really kind of cute.  Of course, I don't have any on my car . . . cuz, I don't want people to think I'm weird.  It's quite a paradox.



They're kind of fun . . . they come in all kinds of varieties that represent the families personalities . . . I especially like the zombie ones . . . too funny!


Braaaainnzzzzzz!




Of course, another good one is the divorced family . . . 






And the crazy cat lady one is a hoot, as well.










Then there's the one for people who don't give a sh!t about your family . . . stick figure or otherwise.


Yeah, I know, I got nothin' . . . not even a stick figure family to stick on my car . . . but hey, my blog can't be awesome every day!  

Bacon and Cheese Omelet

3 Slices Bacon, Cooked

3 Large Eggs,Lightly Beaten

1/4 Teaspoon Salt

1/4 TeaspoonGround Black Pepper

1 TablespoonButter

1/2 SlicesAmerican Cheese

In a small bowl,combine eggs, salt, and pepper; beat with fork. In a 10 inch nonstick skillet,melt butter over medium heat, rotating pan to coat bottom. Add egg mixture. Coverfor a minute or two. 

As eggs start to set, gently lift edges with a spatula, and tiltpan so uncooked portion flows underneath. Top with cheese and bacon evenly ontoomelet.  Cover for about a minute toallow cheese to melt.

Fold over and slide onto plate. Serve immediately.

I like breaking the rules

A cardinal rule . . . what kind of rule?  An angry bird rule?  God forbid you disobey an angry bird!!

Seriously, though, I always thought the term ‘cardinal rule’ referred to some sort of religious tenet that morphed into an everyday saying about an all important directive that must be obeyed.

Well . . . suffice to say, I was wrong.  Shocking, I know.  But, it happens now and again.

The word ‘cardinal’ comes from the root word 
‘cardo’, which in Latin translates to ‘hinge’ or ‘that on which something turns or depends’.  Therefore, something cardinal is important because all else hinges upon it.  It is a fundamental rule . . . something that is essential that cannot be deterred from.

A cardinal rule could be: Isn't it the first cardinal rule of perm maintenance that you are forbidden to wet your hair for at least 24 hours after getting a perm at the risk of deactivating the ammonium thioglycolate? 

Back to the church . . . before it was all powerful and had such a grand hierarchy and far reaching authority on everything and everyone . . . a cardinal was simply a clergyman being that he was attached to the church . . . much like a door is attached by a hinge to  a building.  

And back to that angry bird . . . why is it red?  Well, because somehow the name cardinal went from being a simple man to a prince (of the church) and was clad all in red . . . the bird was thusly name because it was all red much likes the robes of churchly princes.

No, he was not red because he was angry; you people and your imaginations.  Sheesh!

Grilled Cheese Cheese Stuffed Cheeseburger

Two Slices of Bread

Two Slices American Cheese

One Slice Swiss Cheese

One Half Pound of Lean Hamburger

Butter

Sliced Tomatoes

3 Slices Crisp Bacon

Divide the hamburger into two patties.  Fold the Swiss cheese into a square and pressinto the center of one of the patties. Top with the second patty and press to seal edges. 

Grill or fry hamburger, until done.

In the meantime butter two slices of bread, and lay on fryingpan, add cheese to the slices of bread and grill till cheese melts and crispybrown on the other side.

Lay cooked hamburger on one of the bread and cheese slices.  

Top with tomato slices and bacon. 

Serve your amazing creation.

Plop, plop, fizz, fizz; oh what a relief it is!

Oh, Alka-Seltzer . . . how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.  It's good for what ails you . . . aches and pains?  headache?  upset stomach?  and at one time its ads even suggested taking it for "the blahs."  I'm jiggy wit dat!


The lemon-lime variation has a salty-sweet thing going on.  I'd drink it all day long if it wasn't for the whole overdosing-on-medication thing.


Seriously,  it's the best invention since cheesy-poofs.








Alka-Seltzer has been around since 1931 and is simply a combination of aspirin, sodium bicarbonate, and citric acid all compacted into a fizzy tablet.  drop into a glass of water and watch it go.  It's like magic!  But watch out because if you have the glass on top of a pile of papers the effervescence will effervesce all over your papers and make a mess.  Don't ask how I know this . . . but there's a reason that Speedy uses an umbrella in the commercial.

It's not only good at curing the icks, but it also can be used as an effective cleaner for your coffee pot, glassware and jewelry  . . . all those bubbles cut through grease and grime.  Don't mock me before you try it . . . it works!




Anyhoo . . . I'm not suggesting that anyone run out and buy this wonder of all wonders, because it's not necessarily good for everyone, I'm just saying that *I* like it.  


Ploppity, ploppity . . . fizzity, fizzity . . . 

Creamy Cabbage with Apples and Bacon

1 Teaspoon Olive Oil
6 Slices Bacon, Chopped
1 Large Onion, Chopped
Salt And Pepper To Taste
1 Tablespoon White Sugar 
2 Tablespoons Cider Vinegar
1 Head Green Cabbage, Cored And Chopped
2 Large Granny Smith Apples - Peeled, Cored and Thickly Sliced
1/2 Cup Chicken Stock, Or As Needed
1/2 Teaspoon Coriander Seeds
1 Pinch Nutmeg
1/2 Cup Sour Cream


Heat olive oil over medium heat in a large, heavy-bottomed pot or Dutch oven. Add the bacon and cook and stir until most of the fat is rendered, and the bacon is lightly browned but still slightly limp, about 5 minutes. Remove the bacon with a slotted spoon to a small bowl; do not drain. Pour off any excess bacon fat in the pan, according to your taste.


Stir the onion into the pot, season with salt and pepper, and cook and stir over medium-high heat until onion is translucent. Sprinkle in the sugar, then stir in the vinegar-stand back or you'll get a nose full! Scrape up the delicious brown bits from the bottom of the pan. Add the cabbage, stirring well to combine.





Cook, uncovered, until cabbage is reduced and starts to soften, 6 to 8 minutes. Stir in apples, stock, and coriander seeds. Cover, reduce heat to medium low, and cook for at least 30 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add more stock as needed, and continue cooking until the cabbage is soft, but not falling apart.


Just before serving, remove the cover and stir in the bacon with its juices. Cook over medium-high heat until any remaining liquid is reduced to a syrup and the mixture is piping hot, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat, stir in nutmeg, and fold in the sour cream.

Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 Schlemiel! Schlimazel! HasenpfefferIncorporated!

If your old like me then you may recall that little chantfrom the opening sequence of the Laverne and Shirley show . . . actually I’mnot dating myself all that much since I only caught the show in syndication.  So, nuts to you!

The little ditty is a Yiddish-American hopscotch chant.  Okay, that clears that up but what is a schlemieland, for the love of Pete, what in the heck is a Schlimazel??

A schlimazel is the guy who walks past a second floorwindow-ledge and knocks the flower pot off . . . a schlemiel is the guy walkingunderneath.

A schlemiel is a klutz . . . an awkward person.  A schlimazel is a born loser.   It’skind of a commentary of the type of people that Laverne and Shirley were Iguess because they were always finding themselves in sticky situations andpretty much always down on their luck.  LikeLavern and Shirly . . . you can’t have a schlemiel without a schlimazel . . .they go together. 

Kind of like  rammalamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong. Something like that, anyway.

Three diseases without shame: Love, itch and thirst.

Can someone please tell me what is wrong with the skin on men’s backs?  Is there some sort of gender based genetic flaw that causes them to be constantly itchy or is it true what we said when we were little girls that boys have cooties?

Every woman with a man in her life has heard, "Scratch my back." 

OMG . . . I’m getting all itchy just thinking about it!

Whatever it is, my hubby has it baaaaaaaad!  His back is just one big perpetual itch that needs to be scratched.  An itch that he can't quite reach.  And it's never an isolated itch . . . it seems that his whole entire back gets itchy all at once.

I can tell when he’s got an attack coming on; it is never subtle.  First he starts squirming around a little.  And, the he starts to wiggle, just a small back and forth motion of his shoulders. Then it starts to escalate and turns into a full on squiggle . . . that’s when he wiggles and squirms at the same time.

Let him tell it and you'd think I never touch his back.  This is blatantly untrue.  I just not willing to drop what I'm doing at the pop of an itch to scritch scratch him.  If I gave in every single time he had an itch I'd be scratching every single minute of the day.

If I can manage to ignore the exaggerated affectation, he will huff in frustration and, much like a bear in the woods, he will rub up against anything that might relieve the itch.

There isn’t enough time in the day to satisfy his tickliness. He often says that if he could teach the cat to scratch his back he would.  That’s suicide, man!  He knows what’s hidden beneath those cute little pads on her feet . . . it’s terrifying!  If you have a cat you know what I’m talking about . . . little pink jelly beans of death; miniature razor sharp katanas!

There’s no telling when an assault will come on . . . but the worst may be when we’re in bed.  The squirming, the wiggling and then soon he’s flopping around like a fish out of water.  A person can barely get any sleep. 

Hey, hunny?  That’s what that back scrather thing-a-ma-jigger is for.  Use it.

Oh, by the way . . . sometimes my back gets itchy, too.  It wouldn't hurt to have a little "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" going on. Yeah, fat chance of that!

BLT With Spicy Mayo

• 1 Cup Mayonnaise


• 1 Tablespoon Sriracha Sauce


• 16 Slices Thick Bacon


• 1/2 Head Iceberg Lettuce


• 4 Beefsteak Tomatoes


• 8 Slices Heart White Bread


• Butter

Make the spicy mayonnaise by mixing mayonnaise with Sriracha.  Reserve cold.

Cook bacon in oven to desired crispness. Reserve warm.

Butter both sides of each slice of bread and grill until golden brown in a hot skillet.

Spread spicy mayo over one side of the grilled bread.  Top with bacon sliced tomato and lettuce.

This is a serious kicked up BLT . . . you may never go back to same ol’, same ol’.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Generally speaking, I’m level headed and have a fair share of common sense. However, there have been times in my life when I’ve moments of seriously impaired judgment . . . one of those was on October 5, 1990 . . . there was a voice in my head yelling . . . nay screaming . . . run away, run away . . . why oh why didn’t I listen. . .


Rule #1 . . . always listen to your intuition.

There was a time way before that when I was merely a child . . . a child apparently lacking in rational thought . . . that did something monumentally brainless.


Way back when I was a kid, I lived on top of mountain in the middle of East Bumblef^ck. There wasn’t a great selection of playmates. So, one day I wandered down the road to play with some boys who weren’t the best kids on the mountaintop but it was someone to play with. They were chucking knives at a tree. Okay, that could maybe be fun . . . uh, huh, until one of the boys threw a knife at me and . . . wait, here’s where it gets good . . . I tried to catch it. yeah, not one of my brighter moments but definitely one of my bloodier ones . . . 

I ran all the way home screaming with blood dripping down my arm from the gaping wound in my finger. I still bear the scar of my dim-witted-ness.


Rule #2 . . . don’t be stupid.


So, you think I’d learn from my lesson and not play with sharp objects. Mmm, you’d think.

Fast forward a few years when I was in junior high school. I had bought a novelty switchblade comb. No sooner had I gotten it home that I replace the comb with a long box cutter razor blade. Why? I don’t know . . . kids do stupid stuff . . . its some sort of imperative.

So, I threw my brandy-spankin’ new switchblade in my book bag and off to school I went. I was in study hall and reached into my bag for something or other and came out with a bloody finger with a flap of skin hanging off . . . at some point the blade had popped open. Of course, I couldn’t say anything to the teacher . . . could you imagine being caught at school with a switchblade . . . even way back then?? Yeah, not too bright. Somehow, I managed to get a hall pass to the bathroom without raising suspicion and got myself cleaned up.


Rule #3 . . . see Rule #2

Flash forward 10 years . . . I’m a newlywed (see the first paragraph) and I’m diligently doing my wifely chores by washing dishes. All the pans and plates are drying in the rack . . . that’s right, no dishwasher . . . unless you count me. I started to was the glasses . . . 

I must have been fairly aggressive about it because I was shoving . . . er . . . gently pressing the sponge around the inside of the glass and it shattered. A decent size chunk of glass impaled my hand. It didn’t look to bad, it wasn’t bleeding . . . that is until I removed said shard of glass. Yeah . . . then it bled. I had a gaping maw of a wound . . . not pretty. A few stitches fixed me up all purdy like, but I still have the reminder on my hand to NOT be so forceful while cleaning glasses.


Rule #4 . . . glass IS fragile. (Fragile (fra•jee•lee) is Italian for breakable)

Flash forward another ten years . . . I’m newly divorced (see the first paragraph) and fixing up my new home. I painted, replaced the carpeting and changed some light fixtures. I also decided to change doorknobs and strike plates on all the doors. I had to carve out some of the door and doorframes to get the hardware to fit properly. Can you see where I’m going with this? Yeah, as I’m shaving off some excess wood, my tool slips and I almost shaved off half my finger . . .


Rule #5 . . . tools that shave things are sharp!


Okay, so I’ve flash forwarded almost another ten years . . . I’m thinking I should be avoiding sharp objects.  I should also follow rule #2 more often.


Just sayin’.

_________________________________

Zucchini Breakfast Casserole


2 Cups Cooked Meat, diced, I used leftover roast beef
1 Zucchini, peeled using your Julienne Peeler
1 Red Onion, Diced
4 Cloves of Garlic, minced
1 Cup of Sharp Cheddar Cheese
8 Eggs
2 Tbsp Basil
Salt and Pepper to Taste
4-6 Pieces of Bacon

Preheat oven to 350 Degrees Fahrenheit


Sauté onions and garlic until the onions start to caramelize and then turn off the heat.

In the mixing bowl, combine eggs, cheese, cooked meat, shredded zucchini, basil, and salt and pepper and mix well.  Then add the sautéed onions and garlic and mix well.

Pour your mixture into a greased 9x13 baking dish. Baking for 30 minutes or until cooked through.


While the casserole is baking, cook the bacon until crispy.

Cut casserole and serve with a slice of bacon on top. I topped that with hot sauce . . . because everything is better with hot sauce.


Enjoy

Do you know the muffin man?

Do you know the muffin man?

The muffin man the muffin man.

Do you know the muffin man?

That lives in Drury Lane?

Yes I know the muffin man

The muffin man the muffin man

Yes I know the muffin man that lives in Drury lane

Victorian households had many of their fresh foods delivered; muffins would be delivered door-to-door by a muffin man.    Back in those days muffins were what we call English Muffins today, a bread made of yeasted dough and baked on a hot griddle . . . not the sweet, cakey variety we Americans usually associate with the word.

Interestingly, Drury Lane is an actual street in London that is, in fact, known for its muffins. 

_______________________________________

Brie, Swiss and Bacon Quiche

1 Package Deep Dish Pie Crust
4 Ounces, Brie Cheese
4 Ounces, Swiss Cheese, Diced
10 Slices Bacon, Cooked Crisp, Drained, Crumbled
6 Whole Large Eggs
½ Cups Whipping Cream
½ Cups Sour Cream
1 Teaspoon Worcestershire Sauce
1 Dash Each Nutmeg, Salt, Pepper




Crumble cheeses in the bottom of the pie.

Spread crumbled bacon on top.  Mix all remaining ingredients thoroughly and pour into the pie pan.

Bake in a preheated 375 degree F oven for about 45 minutes, until a pick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool slightly before serving.  The left overs are good served cold, as well.