Senin, 28 November 2011

I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.

As a requirement of employment for most jobs I’ve everapplied for, I’ve had to offer a sample to be tested for illegal substances.  I've always taken such a thing seriously, after all . . .whether or not I got the job most likely hinged on the results of said test.

For anyone who’s been subjected to a pre-employment drugtest, you know that it’s a painless procedure but it can be unnerving.  You’re handed a plastic cup and escorted to abathroom.  You are told to urinate intothe cup while someone waits right outside the door.  You are instructed to place the sample on theback of the toilet, not to flush and not to wash your hands until the waitingperson take possession of the piddle.

A friend of mine has to take periodic drug tests to maintainhis job.  He told me a story about one ofthese tests that had me practically peeing my pants . . . with laughter.

He did as he was told and urinated into the cup and placedit on the lid of the toilet tank.  Whenthe woman came to retrieve it she looked at it but did not touch it.  He had filled the cup so full that it wasliterally domed at the top and there was no way she would be able to pick it upwithout spilling it all over the place.

Keep in mind my friend is not a malicious fellow, but hedoes have a quirky, impish sense of humor.

She said, “how am I supposed to pick that up.” 

Spontaneously he said, “carefully, I’d say”.

Needless to say, she was not amused.

Again, She goes to pick it up and  . . . again . . . hesitates.

“How am I going to pick that up without spilling it?”

Without thinking he said to the person testing his urinesample upon which his employment was hinged, “why don’t you take a sip a littleoff the top.”

Woman?  Definitely, NOT amused.

Him?  Miraculously,still employed. 

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